Ahem. [Snipped for room].
tbh that’s exactly what I’ve witnessed. As in, people appropriating autism to be speshul snowflakes (I’ve recently seen a tumblr where the person used the term *soft autism*, and I just stared at it for a while going “… what the fuck is soft autism??? O.o”), and bipolar as an excuse to justify being moody and/or acting like a dick to people.
Two things. Soft Autism? Argh. It’s either high functioning or not at all. There is a very defined line here. It’s not subtle. Confound it. (I’ve seen so many people compare Autism to being addicted to things or odd or anti-social. And yeah, some Autistics are. It doesn’t define Autism.) Also, agreed. That’s what I see the most, too. And same, most I assume don’t even have Bipolar, just “I get mad sometimes and I don’t want to be argued with so I must make a defense for this.” But some might have it and still say it. It’s not good whether they have it or not.
Which yeah, BPD and BDD and other illnesses can influence you and make it more likely than you act like a dick, but it’s not like you’re simply randomly being an ass.
Those kind of people who just use it as an excuse, especially if they don’t actually have anything, make the whole thing look like a joke and make people take you less seriously when you are putting effort into acting like a decent person, and therefore they ignore you when you try to explain why some things are necessary.
It’s a lot of work and it’s hard, but it can be, has been and should be done. It’s unhealthy to stay in that aggressive mindset and there’s no reason anyone should have to tolerate you berating them, being abusive, or being a threat.
When I was younger I often had trouble making friends because of my Bipolar (and other issues), and I frankly don’t blame them for it. I mean the ones that egged it on? Sure, they were jerks, but I reacted. My own actions were hurting me, see the thing about Bipolar Disorder is you can learn to deal with it and get it under control. It’s really hard, and at first it consumes you, but you can, and it is possible. Heck, I’d even say it’s easier to get under control then depression, because depression comes in waves, that just creep in (often to the point you don’t even realize), Bipolar comes in big bursts and you can almost always feel it. (At least in my personal experiences. (And depression can get consistently worse (or at the very least it keeps coming back and it doesn’t ease with age), while Bipolar tends to get better with age.)) People were not wrong for being upset with me in how I acted, they were wrong in how they handled it sometimes, but not with being upset with my actions. That wasn’t their burden, and I worked hard to get over it. (You can never cure it, but you can find ways to get used to it, reign it in, overcome it, and to some extent control it. And while it’s hard it’s well worth it. And many before have done it, that’s why tumblr’s attitude to it grates on me so much. They undermine the work other Bipolar sufferers (or in some cases actual Bipolar sufferers) have done for their own self benefit.)
My parents often complain that “the pills aren’t doing anything”
There was a post on tumblr saying that pills were evil things to change a person’s mind and people try to keep disabled people down and an insult to disorders. Which, I mean, that’s enraging. No? Yeah, how about no. I mean, pills for a depressive person and a Bipolar person help them. I mean, if pills help you, it’s nice to feel in control of yourself and for the hate both disorders cause towards you to not have as much control over you (it’s nice if pills make those awful thoughts you think about yourself go away or make them less so). Also, it’s nice to know you’re not a danger to others. (Which will bring me to another point I’ll mention further down.)
or that “I thought you were over this” or “we already said you must stop acting like this”.
Oh goodness, I can’t stand this. I feel so bad for you. (Though my parents do the opposite issue. They act like I can never get over it and pretend I am a way I’m not.) But both of these attitudes cause the same issue. They confuse you on how well you’re progressing and how you’re acting. And that’s one of the worst things about these disorders, it can be hard to tell (as you mentioned) so inconsistent signals just make it worse and make you feel confused. (At least in my experience.)
They don’t seem to get the fact that I am not going to shrinks and taking meds for fun, I have a serious mental illness, which is not curable
Here’s a fun fact. Bipolar is one of the closest disorders to BEING cured. At the very least they can be eased. A pill I used to take when I was very young and needed pills to assist me (now pills just make it worse, I have to use willpower otherwise I’m just miserable) was Lithium. When I was young they didn’t know this, but my psychiatrist (the one who prescribed it to me) they’ve found it is highly likely that it actually eases the bipolar if taken young and over time. It makes it less strong. (Which, frankly, I believe it does (based on my personal experience (I had a really extreme case of it, and now I can operate without meds and keep it in control (though I also don’t mesh well with meds so I worked really hard for that)).) But the issue with it is it’s extremely strong, and can be dangerous. It’s also very commonly used in suicides due to its strength. (That 12 year old boy I mention a lot downed them, for instance.) And even then, it’s pretty easy to OD on the stuff. But it is a really good drug if you’re careful. So that’s kind of fascinating at least. (But, again, not a cure. And you pretty much had to take it from childhood for many years, I think.)
and therefore one has to deal with it and try to find ways to avoid making it worse. And therefore, they keep on doing things that they know I have a bad reaction to, such as trying to confuse me and say that a thing I remember didn’t happen or bringing up sensitive topics or constantly poking when they see I am starting to get upset and trying to hold it in.
I fucking hate that. And I’m so sorry that happens to you.
That is NOT how you help a person with an illness, that’s like feeding candies to a diabetic person and then be surprised when the person gets sick “just because of a candy”.
They just don’t take it seriously, because for them “it’s just being moody”. They don’t see as a serious thing, and so they fail to understand that I can’t do all the job by myself.
Oh, man, I’m so sorry, and I really hope it gets better for you.
Besides, I try to warn people. I specifically warn new people I befriend because I want them to point out if I am being an asshole. I usually cannot tell if I am acting like an asshole when I’m upset, but if someone calmly points out “Stop it. You are being unfair. You are behaving like a jerk.” that usually stops me, while attacking me (especially physically) only makes me get more defensive. I don’t want to be the person one has to be afraid of and always be on edge when talking out of fear of saying the wrong thing.
That’s a really good mentality.
Also, to whoever is reading this: do not ever, EVER touch a person if they are telling you to stay away and don’t get close.
DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH THE PERSON IF THEY TELL YOU TO STAY AWAY, THAT IS NOT HELPING THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF HELPFUL. WHEN A PERSON IS IN PANIC THEY ARE NOT REASONING LOGICALLY. THEY MIGHT HURT YOU EVEN IF THEY ARE NORMALLY THE NICEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE, EVEN IF THEY ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND, IN THAT MOMENT YOU ARE A THREAT AND THEIR PRIORITY IS GETTING THE FUCK AWAY OF THE THREAT AT ANY COST. MOST LIKELY THEY WILL FEEL LIKE SHIT AFTERWARDS BUT IN THAT MOMENT THEY ARE PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO ACCESS THE PART OF THE BRAIN THAT USES LOGIC OR EMPATHY SO THEY DON’T SEE A WELLMEANING PERSON WHO WANTS TO HUG THEM, THEY SEE A POTENTIAL DANGER.
You know I find this to be really accurate. And I wonder if you’d agree with this, when describing how it feels when my Bipolar acts up, I often say it feels like being a cornered animal. There’s genuine fear in there. And I do feel cornered. It feels like the same feeling. Specifically, I’ve always thought it feels like being a cornered raccoon (because of how quickly they change and just become angry). And the world seems to get bigger and scarier. Like when you feel cornered and trapped. And I agree with everything you said.
One thing that drives me crazy is people coming up to me when I’m upset and I yell “leave me alone” and their response is to get angry at me for not wanting them to comfort me then. Not helping. Like I need to calm down on my own, more stimuli is just going to make it worse (I need to feel safe and alone, and right now everything around me is registering as a possible threat), I’d like for it to be that easy, but it’s not.
Demioppression, demitriggered, demitrolled, demiaggression.
The possibilities are endless!
whew. Sorry for the caps but it’s really important and a lot of people don’t seem to get it.
Hey, man, caps it out. Sometimes you need to. But I agree with your points.